It's the Brit Awards on Tuesday, apparently, and to celebrate that fact I will be going through each nomination and chosing my own winner for each award that will not match the actual winner. So up first is:
British Male Solo Artist
Hmmm... A few interesting choice. I presume Paul Weller is there, purely to make up the numbers. My choice would be Plan B, mainly because I like his first album.
British Female Solo Artist
I though Rumer was Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughter, but I guess she isn't. This is a really weak category. I don't really know. I suppose Paloma Faith is the most interesting.
British Breakthrough Act
Bruce Willis' kid, the woman who does the M&S advert and a bunch of others. Tinie Tempah is the one on the list that actually properly penetrated my awareness this last year.
Gorillaz are probably one of the best British groups that we have seen in a long time. Probably since The Verve and Oasis' heyday. So they should easily walk this.
Out of all the nominations I can only remember the Biffy Clyro cover and Florence & The Machine- You've Got The Love without looking them up. The X-Factor cover is a neutered version of a neutered song by a neutered band, so Florence wins.
Mastercard British Album Of The Year
Does this go to the act that had the most album purchases made with a credit card? I have to admit, not listened to any of these so I'll have to give it to Plan B- The Defamation Of Strickland Banks and pretend its exactly the same as his first album.
International Male Solo Artist
This is more like it. Several strong nominees here. Kanye West probably had the best album of these guys released in the last year, so he gets the nod. Plus he'll give the best acceptance speech of the night.
International Female Solo Artist
Ooooh my... Has Kylie Minogue even released anything this last year? Her name is probably to etched into this category to rub it out. I don't care. As she's playing Bestival I'll go with Robyn.
International Breakthrough Act
I want to see the entire Glee Cast up on stage. Every single one of them. Including the extras. And the autotune machine.
Another poor selection here. Arcade Fire is the only one I would go watch, so they win.
Another list of albums I haven't listened to. It's between Eminem and Arcade Fire for their previous albums. I have heard that Arcade Fire- The Suburbs is better than Eminem's album so they win another award. Yay!
This has already been decided. But looking at the nominees, I agree with Mr. Brit. Jessie J should win.
Well, this seems like an exercise in back slapping if there ever was one. I have heard of John Leckie. He apparently produced The Coral's last album. But that hasn't received a Brit nomination. This seems totally bizarre.
So there we have it. My version of the Brits. Looking at this my version of BBC Breakfast will be claiming Arcade Fire and Plan B cleaned up with two awards each. Now when are the Grammys?